Days Until Heartbreak/Tears
i'm hiding from all my fears and drowning in my tears part nineteen of Days Until Heartbreak It is almost time to leave Raji's place. We've been here for nearly two weeks now, despite me figuring out Ice's plan on the first night. It is refreshing to be away from the Clans and from Aura's group though, so I don't complain. Raji is still a pain in the tail but I'm getting used to him too. The village has no organized system, it's just a safe camp for cats. Nobody orders anyone around and nobody really cares who settles into the empty dens. There are always empty dens since most cats just come and go. Raji is a permanent settler but there's so few of them that they never have to worry about being real hosts for newcomers. Ice just explained to me that it's a hassle to get our own den and since we're not here for "peace", Raji could just offer us shelter instead. "How's the princess?" Raji pokes his head into the den. "About to claw off your tail," I mutter. The black tom only smiles wryly and jerks his head towards the entrance. "If you don't get out right now I'm afraid your boyfriend will have devoured the entire prey pile I had caught just this morning." I roll my eyes and tuck my tail over my nose. "Let him." A mouse smacks my muzzle. I glare at Raji who smiles innocently. "That was your boyfriend!" he yelps as he jumps back outside just as I hurl the mouse back at him. I stroll outside. "Told you that'd get the beauty queen out," Raji smirks as he nudges Ice. The white tom has his muzzle buried in a pile of prey. Ice glances up and purrs when he sees me. "Is he flirting with me?" I check with Ice, "Despite knowing that we're together?" "Oh, the closer the cats are, the more he hits on the she-cats," Ice's whiskers twitches, "No wonder he's single; the toms always give him a good beating." Raji shrugs and tosses me the mouse again. "Eat up, sweetheart. The more you eat, the plumper you'll get. And so when Ice is still hungry, he'll have a great meal." I give him a scathing glare and he laughs. "You two are the most fun I've had in awhile." "What do you do?" Ice retorts, "Talk to the wall hoping the passing by she-cats will think you're praising her instead?" The black tom pretends to look hurt. "I have visitors all the time! They just love my company of course," he smirks, "Sadly I don't see many she-cats swarming you lately, Ice." "I have this darling, what more do I need?" Ice replies causually. I feel a blush creep up my face. I struggle to push it back down but by the time I finish my mouse, my face is hot. Raji threww back his head and lets out a guffaw. "Guess your stay here at the village really has paid off," he smiles, "it is dubbed Sweetheart Village after all." Ice wraps his tail around me. "Strange because it seems you always drive them away." The black tom huffs, "I don't even know why I agreed to let you two stay. You've been hounding me ever since that first night. Do I really make a bad first impression?" "No of course not," I purr, "It was so good I instantly tried to win Ice's heart over." Raji glares at me. "Why do you two have to be so good at this too?" he complains, "I did not make you want Ice more than me. Impossible. My looks are way better than this tom." "Sorry, but I don't see you having a she-cat fawning over you." Ice shoots back. "You're hunting your next meal," Raji calls as he stands up to go back inside, "and I'm making you both sleep outside." "You're just jealous!" I laugh. When he leaves us alone, Ice leans against me. "Raji had a mate, you know," he murmurs, "it's just that she died trying to give birth to their first and only kit." I blink. "He seems so carefree though." Most cats that I've met that have lost someone were always moping around or grieving their lost ones. Yet Raji just picked himself up and kept going, deflecting whatever life threw at him like it was nothing. "Yeah, that's what I like about him," Ice tucks in his paws, "He can teach us a lot of things." He glances up at the sky. "Raji never actually moved on though. He may flirt with passing by she-cats or whoever I bring along but he doesn't actually want anyone. Most cats don't fancy him anyways, as he lost his charm when he lost his mate." I can see the drawn out look on Ice's face. "We're going back tomorrow," Ice sighs, "I can't just let Raji keep housing us. Plus, you need to settle things between you and your group." There's something else behind his reasoning but I dismiss it as his worries about me. He knows that Aura and I have a tense relationship and that me staying away will just stretch the line longer until I'll never be able to stitch up the hole. "You'll miss him, won't you," I rest my head on his shoulder, "He reminds you of something." "He's just like a life's reminder that you need to move on, even if you lose something close to you. Plus, he's a good friend," Ice closes his eyes. I glance towards the entrance of the den, where I can hear the bustling of the black tom who lived inside. "He deserves more," I whisper, "but nobody can give him what he wants but his mate." ~ "Safe travels, Ice," Raji stood waiting for us, "Make sure you don't rush it. There are a lot of toms out there who will want fresh prey like your she-cat." "I'm not just prey to be caught," I roll my eyes, "I have claws that I can use first of all, and teeth that will tear-" "Yeah, we'll be fine. Don't you worry," Ice interrupts, "You take care of yourself too, Raji." The black tom smiles sadly, and for the first time since the first night I was here, I realize that Raji does have that sad streak within him. I've seen in on Aura's face more than once when we talk about Twilight. He does miss his mate more than we know, but on the outside, he's as strong as ever. "Stay happy," I murmur as I pass him, "Don't let things get to you." He merely nods and his gaze remains on us as we walk away. I long to look back but I don't want to see everything I miss on Raji's face. Everything that he must miss too. We keep walking away and I still don't look back. We walk in silence, too afraid to break the spell that Raji had cast upon us. Finally, we reach Ice's den. "You should get some rest," Ice murmurs, "I'll go out and hunt." I don't argue. I can't really go out by myself in tom territory since I'll probably be dead within five seconds. Ice is also safer on his own, which means I can only stay in his den. Collapsing in my nest, I close my eyes just as Ice heads out once more. I don't bother following him like I did last time. Maybe the white tom really was going to find Shineblossom but I don't want to know anymore. I'd feel better if I was left in the dark. Finally, sleep pulls me in and I'm left in the fantasies that Ice once created when I first thought I loved him. ~ Ice shook his head. "You know I had to go." Shineblossom narrowed her eyes. "It wasn't necessary, Ice. You could have left that she-cat to fend for herself yet you still believe in her? She's a demon disguised as an angel. Don't get fooled by her. Remember, she tried to kill me?" Ice flinched. "I know, but I want to make her better. I want to change her forever." "For what?" Shineblossom whispered, "She won't do anything for you. All she wants is to control you and make you her slave." The white tom grimaced. He didn't know what to do. Sure, he was positive he had feelings for Sari but Shineblossom. He didn't know what to do about either of the she-cats. "I believe in her," he mewed simply. Shineblossom drew closer to the white tom. "Not if I can help it you won't. You'll see the truth one day, Ice, I'll make sure you see it." Ice could only close his eyes as she drew closer, her tail wrapping around his, her nose touching his. ~ "I should never have trusted you," I shout, "You filthy, lying rogue! All you want is to feel good about yourself, right? You draw me in every time just so you can break my heart again and again just because you have no one else. What's your problem?" Ice stands there, alone. "I almost believed that everything between you and Shineblossom was still fake and that love was something you could show me." I blink away tears, "What happened to all that?" Ice still doesn't reply. "Don't give me all this dung about 'not being able to be together'. You tried to make it work, didn't you? That's the whole reason we spent two weeks out at Raji's place. Why did we even come back? To let you join up with Shineblossom so you could ditch me again?" Ice flinches. "Sari-" "Don't you dare say another word!" I stomp past him, "You know my weakness, you know what I want, yet you keep using me to your advantage." "What kind of tom are you?"